I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
