Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize