Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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