That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize