Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
are you so shy because you have an std?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
