My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize