It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
