I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm experimenting with sincerity
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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