life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
