I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I don't deserve a penis
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
