I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
All I want is dick and wine.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
