i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
