I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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