I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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