I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
