Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
