i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
so much tequila, so little girl.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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