Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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