You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
