Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
