yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
