if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
