i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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