we're blogging at a bar
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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