just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
