omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
