why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize