the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
