Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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