I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize