Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
