I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
