his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
