he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm sobbing to NWA
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
