I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
sex in a hospital.. check
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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