you guys were way drunker than both of me
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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