Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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