I'm gonna have a badass scar
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
how drunk are you?
Several
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
