so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
