I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
