once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
