he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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