I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
