just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
