I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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