Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
