Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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