So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
