Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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