Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
