we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize