i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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