Swine flu. Run for my life!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
