There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
