my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
