I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
