The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
