What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
