I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
