The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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