I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Randomize