Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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