um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
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