if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
