The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
