don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We had to coat check the pizza.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
