He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
