you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
