Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My feet surprised me
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