...so i touched it.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
