I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
