i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
