the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Can you bring me the toilet please
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
