The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
